Hey there Delilah

SAMSON AND DELILAH

I guess I always thought this was supposed to be a love story. I have the same feeling now that I had when I saw the second act of West Side Story. The first half makes you so excited. Love! It makes everything grand! Then after intermission it tears your heart out and you wind up sobbing down the aisle as some older woman hits her husband and says, "See! I wasn't the only one bawling, Henry!" For those of you who don't know (spoiler alert) here's what happens:

Judges 16:18-21 When Delilah realized that he had told her his whole secret, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, "This time come up, for he has told his whole secret to me." Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her, and brought the money in their hands. She let him fall asleep on her lap and she called a man, and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. He began to weaken and his strength left him... So the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes.

Dying a virgin

Jephthah told God that if he would have the Ammonites given into his hand the first person he saw come out of his door at home he would offer as a burnt offering. When he came home his daughter ran out to meet him. He tore his clothes and was very sad. She asked if she could have two months to wander in the mountains with her friends and woe her virginity and how she would die without ever sleeping with a man.

There arose a custom of the daughters of Israel to go out and lament the daughter of Jephthah for four days.

This story made me cry. First, that her father had to come home victorious and rather than be happy to see his daughter he was so sad because he had to offer her up to God as a sacrifice. Second, that she never got to know love. Third, that she's not even mentioned by name. Poor Jephthah's daughter. What a sad fate.

Son of a prostitute

Judges 11:1-2 Now Jephthah the Gileadite, the son of a prostitute, was a mighty warrior. Gilead was the father of Jephthah. Gilead's wife also bore him sons; and when his wife's sons grew up, they drove Jephthah away, saying to him, " You shall not inherit anything in our father's house; for you are the son of another woman."

What jerks! Well, let me tell you, he doesn't need his brother's and father's love or money. He becomes a judge for 6 years and helps save Israel. Unfortunately, his daughter...well, you'll read about it next time.

By the way, how do you think Jephthah is pronounced? I keep tripping over it in my head. Is it Jep-tah or something completely different?

Trees

Judges 9:7-15

The Parable of the Trees

The trees once went out

to anoint a king over themselves.

So they said to the olive tree,

'Reign over us.'

The olive tree answered them,

'Shall I stop producing my rich oil

by which gods and mortals are honored,

and go to sway over the trees?'

Then the trees said to the fig tree,

'You come and reign over us.'

But the fig tree answered them,

'Shall I stop producing my sweetness

and my delicious fruit,

and go to sway over the trees?'

Then the trees said to the vine,

'You come and reign over us.'

But the vine said to them,

'Shall I stop producing my wine

that cheers gods and mortals,

and go to sway over the trees?'

So all the trees said to the bramble,

'You come and reign over us.'

And the bramble said to the trees,

'If in good faith you are anointing me

king over you,

then come and take refuge in my shade;

but if not, let fire come out of the bramble

and devour the cedars of Lebanon.'

The Song of Deborah

Deborah was a prophetess. Her story starts with Barak who went on a mission to take Mount Tabor. On the way he almost gets caught but is rescued by Jael. When his persecutor, Sisera, tries to find Barak in her tent here's what happened:

Judges 5:25-26 He asked for water and she gave him milk, she brought him curds in a lordly bowl. She put her hand to the tent peg and her right hand to the workmen's mallet; she struck Sisera a blow, she crushed his head, she shattered and pierced his temple.

This is a direct excerpt from a song. It's no Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice but it paints quite a picture!

He must be relieving himself...

Rather than write a commentary about the story of the second judge I think everyone should take some time out of their day and read it. This guy was tricky!

Judges 3: 14-30

The Israelites were subject to Eglon king of Moab for eighteen years.

Again the Israelites cried out to the LORD, and he gave them a deliverer—Ehud, a left-handed man, the son of Gera the Benjamite. The Israelites sent him with tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it. At the idols near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, "I have a secret message for you, O king." The king said, "Quiet!" And all his attendants left him. Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, "I have a message from God for you." As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king's belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

After he had gone, the servants came and found the doors of the upper room locked. They said, "He must be relieving himself in the inner room of the house." They waited to the point of embarrassment, but when he did not open the doors of the room, they took a key and unlocked them. There they saw their lord fallen to the floor, dead.

While they waited, Ehud got away. He passed by the idols and escaped to Seirah. When he arrived there, he blew a trumpet in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went down with him from the hills, with him leading them."Follow me," he ordered, "for the LORD has given Moab, your enemy, into your hands." So they followed him down and, taking possession of the fords of the Jordan that led to Moab, they allowed no one to cross over. At that time they struck down about ten thousand Moabites, all vigorous and strong; not a man escaped. That day Moab was made subject to Israel, and the land had peace for eighty years.

Judges

Judges 2:16-19 Then the Lord raised up judges, who delivered them out of the power of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen even to their judges; for they lusted after other gods and bowed down to them... Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he delivered them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge... But whenever the judge died, they would relapse and behave worse than their ancestors, following other gods, worshipping them and bowing down to them.

Isn't that the way it always is? Especially with young children. You put a double scoop hot fudge sundae in front of a child and say, "Don't eat this or I'll be really mad." They probably won't eat it right in front of you but leave the room. No really, leave the room and I beat you a sundae they'll eat the whole thing. In some cases the food will be all over their mouth as they tell you how they don't know anything about the missing delights. The fudge will be dripping down their faces as they say, "No, I didn't eat it. I promise." Probably the worst idea is to give them a second, third, or in God's case TWELFTH chance. Those people ate a lot of sundaes...

I'm not saying that sundaes are other gods. I am saying, however, that you owe me a sundae or twelve.

Thumbs and Big Toes

Judges 1:6 Adoni Bezek fled; but they pursued him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and big toes.

They pursued him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and big toes. That's crazy!! Not only will your enemy's balance be off now but he won't be able to tie his shoes, open a jar, or throw a baseball. Not a life worth living if you ask me.

I chose a short passage to start what will be a long string of Judges posts. There are so many great stories in Judges it's going to be hard to do them all justice but this is definitely a good start.

Joshua only gets one post

I finished Deuteronomy and wasn't it fun? I'm sorry I ever doubted it. I've really been enjoying this. As much as it seems like all my posts are poking fun at the bible I've learned a lot historically and about my own faith. Humor is just how I deal with the unknown. I hope I haven't offended anyone and if I have I'm sorry and I'd love to have an in depth conversation with you sometime about all the things I felt were too serious and personal to write in this journal.

I read all of Joshua in a day. It was basically filled with Joshua completing Moses' quest. Btw! Moses doesn't get to go to the promised land. What?! He does all that work and then bupkis! Poor Moses...Oh well, back to Joshua.

Joshua 12: 7, 9-24 The following are the kings of the land whom Joshua and the Israelites defeated on the west side of the Jordan...the king of Jericho,

the king of Ai,

the king of Jerusalem,

the king of Hebron,

the king of Jarmuth,

the king of Lachish,

the king of Eglon,

the king of Gezer,

the king of Debir,

the king of Geber,

the king of Hormah,

the king of Arad,

the king of Libnab,

the king of Adullam,

the king of Makkedah,

the king of Bethel,

the king of Tappuah,

the king of Hepher,

the king of Aphek,

the king of Lasharon,

the king of Madon,

the king of Hazor,

the king of Shumron-meron,

the king of Achshaph,

the king of Taanach,

the king of Megiddo,

the king of Kedesh,

the king of Jokneam in Carmel,

the king of Dor in Naphath-dor,

the king of Goiim in Galilee,

the king of Tirzah,

thirty-one kings in all.

Holy cow!! Joshua defeated all those kings? Way to go Joshua. What a resume! Kind of makes you think, "what am I doing with my life?"

Blind People

Deuteronomy 27:17 Cursed be anyone who misleads a blind person on the road.

I'm glad this is in the bible. No one should do that. Period.

Nocturnal emissions

Deuteronomy 23:10-11 If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp.

I bet they don't teach this in health classes now. The night after they teach it in class a large groupd of boys head out of town and won't come back till the next night. They won't tell anyone why. The headlines might be hilarious. Anyone have any ideas??

Excluded from the Assembly of the Lord

Deuteronomy 23:1 No one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.

So whether it's your choice (castrati) or someone else's (John Bobbit) you can't get in. That's rough.

Cross Dressing

Suddenly I understand why the uber-christian fun photo booth at the Orange County Fair wouldn't let Sammy and I swap clothing. I think I would have made a great cowboy (see to the left) and I think you all can guess how lovely Sammy looks in a dress but if not (also, see to the left).

Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman shall not wear a man's apparel, nor shall a man put on a woman's garment; for whoever does such things is abhorrent to the Lord your God.

Halloween HORRORS

I'm going to skip a couple of the passages I had mapped out to post about to share with you the HORRORS that God will afflict upon you if you disobey him.

Deuteronomy 28: 25-29...You shall become an object of horror to all the kingdoms of earth. Your corpses shall be food for every bird of the air and animals of the earth, and there shall be no frightening them away. The Lord will afflict you with the boils of Egypt, with ulcers, scurvy, and itch of which you cannot be healed. The Lord will afflict you with madness, blindness, and confusion of mind; you shall grope about at noon as blind people grope in darkness, but you shall be unable to find your way; and you shall be continually abused and robbed, without anyone to help.

Anyone think Hitchcock got some of his ideas from the Bible? Huh? Huh?

Rebellious Children

Deuteronomy 22:18-21 If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father and mother, who does not heed them when they discipline him, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the gate of that place. They shall say to the elders of his town, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard." Then all the men of the town shall stone him to death.

Talk about tough love! This passage is another perfect reading for Halloween. Any kids engaging in tricks rather than treats in your town? Instead of milky ways, give them some pop-rocks this year. ;)

So if you're under 18 and planning on getting eggs for some "fun" this halloween, make something out of it (see above) rather than risk getting stoned to death by townspeople.

War

Deuteronomy 20:5-7 Then the officials shall address the troops, saying, "Has anyone built a new house but not dedicated it? He should go back to his house, or he might die in the battle and another dedicate it. Has anyone planted a vineyard but not yet enjoyed its fruit? He should go back to his house, or he might die in the battle and another be first to enjoy its fruit. as anyone become engaged to a woman but not yet married her? He should go back to his house, or he might die in the battle and another marry her.

So, the ways you could get out of battle were: build a new house, plant a vineyard, or get engaged. It would be amazing if these were still the rules. The day the president says we're going to war and there will be a draft there'd be lines around the block at home depot and Zales and a lot of happy ladies out there!

Jealosy rears it's ugly head!

Deuteronomy 4:23-24 So be careful not to forget the covenant that the Lord your God made with you, and not to make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything that the Lord your God has forbidden you. For the Lord your God is a devouring fire, a jealous God.

More scary stuff here. He's a devouring fire!

This left me asking two questions. One is rather silly and the other serious. See if you can guess which is which:

1) If God is jealous and it has been said that He is infallible, does that mean that it's okay to be jealous or is he NOT infallible?

and,

2) What would you do if you were on a first date at a nice restaurant, the wine just arrived and the certain someone sitting across the table said to you, "You should keep your promises to me because I'm a devouring fire. I'm a jealous person"?

Leviticus-Numbers-Deuteronomy

I finished both Leviticus and Numbers. I had not planned on writing anything about Numbers because it was rather tedious. That is, I wasn't going to write any comments about Numbers until I got to Deuteronomy and realized it's the same stories in Numbers only told by a different person!

Wish me good luck...

Punishment

Leviticus 26:27-29 But if, despite this, you disobey me, and continue hostile to me, I will continue hostile to you in fury; I in turn will punish you myself sevenfold for your sins. You shall eat the flesh of your sons, and you shall eat the flesh of your daughters.

Wow, THIS is old testament. I'm scared. Anyone else out there scared? I almost peed my pants.

A passage about eating flesh? It's definitely a great for Halloween, like Silence of the Lambs or something Steven King. So great I'm probably going to check the locks two or three times tonight. Good luck going to sleep, Heather.

P.S. Like how I put the scary text in scary red? ;)

P.P.S. How great is this carved pumpkin? I wish I had a talent for carving pumpkins like this.

Adultery

Leviticus 20: 10 If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death.

So what if it's not your neighbor's wife with which you commit this crime? Are we to assume that everyone is your neighbor in this scenario? And if that is so, what if it's a hooker? Lot's of questions about this one.

I've never understood why or how this could happen. Yes, there are lots of other fish in the sea. It's really fun to have a fish and throw it back, but it's not very nice if the fish is told it's the only one you're going to eat. Then the fish goes back in the ocean with a big ol' bite mark in it's side. Do you know how hard it is to swim with that kind of pain?

I guess what I'm trying to say is if there are problems just end it before riding off into the sunset (or whatever you're riding off into). Wow! So many animal analogies today.

P.S. Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've gotten many of my application essays done and sent away for my transcripts and recommendations. I've gotten a lot done, just not this. I've continued reading and am now just finishing numbers so there will be lots more posts in the future.

Homosexuality

Leviticus 18:23 You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

Sheesh. It's right there staring at me. I heard this was in the bible a long time ago and never thought to go look at it. I suppose because I never saw it I just imagined, more like pretended, that it wasn't there. Frankly, I'd like to go back and pretend...

I don't know how you all out there feel about homosexuals, and usually I try to stay away from saying my opinion on hot button issues, but this one I'm sure of.  They are people and have feelings and hurt. The more I hear people telling them that God hates them (which I highly doubt) or that they chose their fate, the more I will stand up beside them and fight back. I'm not normally a fighter but it hurts to see people you love get hurt and it conjures up the fighter within me. 

I don't want to push people away with my thoughts, and I'm sorry if you disagree. It doesn't mean we can't be friends or that I don't love you. You don't have to agree with me. I'd like it if you did, but if you don't that is fine. 

Menstruation

Leviticus 15:19-20  When a woman has a discharge of blood that is her regular discharge from her body, she shall be in her impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening.  Everything upon which she lies during her impurity shall be unclean; everything also upon which she sits shall be unclean.

Sort of brings to mind a bloody version of Midas and his golden touch. "...and when MidAH went to touch her bed, it was suddenly unclean."

Menstruation has always had a taboo about it. Women aren't supposed to talk about when they have it to men especially. The Ashanti tribe appear have puberty rites only for females and when they receive their period for the first time the mother runs out of the house and announces it to the entire tribe. That's the only time they are excited about I guess, because if a menstruating women went to the wrong place with her "unclean" body she could be killed.

Here's an interesting story about menstruation (don't hear that everyday, eh?).

In 1996, during the running of the 100th Boston Marathon, Uta Pippig, the first woman to cross the finish line, had visible menstrual blood and sever menstrual cramps. The commentators on radio and TV called it "physical problems and diarrhea" and some called it "stomach pain." One reporter for the Boston Globe wrote in her article about the event that she "bled all the way from Hopkinton to Boston" and was criticized by readers and her peers.

Leprosy

Leviticus 13:45-46 The person who has the leprous disease shall wear torn clothes and let the hair of his head be disheveled; and he shall cover his upper lip and cry out, "unclean, unclean." He shall remain unclean as long as he has the disease; he is unclean. He shall live alone; his dwelling shall be outside the camp.

This is the first time I had a hard time getting through a passage without crying.  I got through Abraham almost sacrificing his son, Aaron's two sons burning to death, and other such horrors but this tugged on my heart. I definitely see how some of this could be necessary, especially in a time of little medical knowledge.  Knowing who has leprosy as you walk down the street could be the difference between life and death to these people. That being said, those people with leprosy are still PEOPLE. Can you imagine having to yell, "unclean, unclean" as you walk down the street in your hometown?  

Fast facts about leprosy:

In the past 20 years, 15 million people worldwide have been cured of leprosy.

In india where there are still more than 1,000 leper colonies.

Leprosy is in fact neither sexually transmitted nor is it highly infectious after treatment, as approximately 95% of people are naturally immune.

Before treatment was developed, leprosy was certainly contagious.

Unclean Food

Leviticus 11:13-19 These you shall regard as detestable among the birds. They shall not be eaten; they are an abomination: the eagle, the vulture, the osprey, the buzzard, the kite of any kind; every raven of any kind; the ostrich, the nighthawk, the sea gull, the hawk of any kind; the water hen, the desert owl, the carrion vulture, the stork, the heron of any kind, the hoopoe, and the bat.

1) Detestable? Abomination? Way harsh! Actually, this list makes sense.  All of these birds prey on living creatures. Most of them prey on animals such as rats, frogs, and insects. I can see how one might consider them detestable to eat for that reason.  

2) Bats aren't birds but I don't fault them for not knowing that yet.

3) Mom, aren't you glad they didn't want to eat "the heron of any kind?" My Mom loves Herons.  

4) And, for anyone who's curious what a hoopoe looks like (because I definitely was) here you go:

Turtledoves and Pigeons

Leviticus 1:14 If your offering to the Lord is a burnt offering of birds, you shall choose your offering from turtledoves or pigeons.

Sacrifice birds? I thought that honor was reserved for goats and bulls.  I guess if you can't afford to give up your bull or your goats, pigeons are a good option. New Yorkers, am I right or am I right?

Tying up Exodus loose ends...

I finished Exodus today. I'm really excited about Leviticus. Who wouldn't be excited about reading all the laws and instructions from you know who to his people? I'm sure there will be something fun and interesting, right?

Here are some short quotes I liked:

Exodus 21:23-25 If any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

**I guess I didn't realize that this was in the bible. I thought it was just in Hammurabi's code but I see that I am incorrect. Sorry to the numerous people I argued about this quote. My bad!

Exodus 24:10 ...Under his feet there was something like a pavement of sapphire stone, like the very heaven for clearness.

**Niiiiiiice. If I ever come into money someday my driveway will sparkle too!

Exodus 31:18 ...he gave him the two tablets of the covenant, tablets of stone, written with the finger of God.

**He's got more talent in his little finger... ;)

Exodus 23:1-9 

You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with the wicked to act as a malicious witness. You shall not follow a majority in wrongdoing; when you bear witness in a lawsuit, you shall not side with the majority so as to pervert justice; nor shall you be partial to the poor in a lawsuit.

When you come upon your enemy's ox or donkey going astray, you shall bring it back. When you see the donkey of one who hates you lying under its burden and you should hold back from setting it free, you must help to set it free.

You shall not pervert the justice due to your poor in their lawsuits. Keep far from a false charge, and do not kill the innocent and those in the right, for I will not acquit the guilty.  You shall take no bribe, for a bribe blinds the officials, and subverts the cause of those who are in the right.

You shall not oppress a resident alien; you know the heart of an alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.

I don't have much to say about this except that I just liked it. I think reading that might do some people some good somewhere.

Female Sorcerers Exodus 22:18

Exodus 22:18

You shall not permit a female sorcerer to live.

Sammy and Wikipedia tell me that they used this verse during witch trials. When I researched this further I found out that death wasn't the only sentence for these unfortunate women but some "witches" were also chained for years to the oars of ships or excommunicated and imprisoned.  

I have a problem with this and its not the killing bit. Well, that's upsetting too but FEMALE sorcerer? I'm not really a feminist but that is pretty messed up. What's so special about the male sorcerers that they get to escape death when the females don't?

Heads up: I am using my New Revised Standard Version of the Holy Bible and some verses might be different.  This verse is Exodus 22:19 in some bibles and Exodus 22:17 in others.  

As if I don't already have too much to do...

My name is Heather. I am a 25 year old music teacher applying to MBA programs in Southern California. I was born to an Episcopalian and a Quaker/Methodist. I have been thinking about religion for some time. You could call it struggling but I wouldn't. 

As my "just for fun" book of choice this fall I've decided to take a leaf out of former President George W. Bush's Book. I'm going to read the Bible before anything else this (school) year (besides my GMAT study guides). I've never read it from cover to cover before, only in sections during a service.

Where I am right now: 

Moses and Aaron are leading the hebrews to the Red Sea. 

What I never noticed before:

Moses was slow of speech. This makes me want to watch the movie The Ten Commandments and see how Charlton Heston portrays Moses. Maybe after all my applications are in (around the first week in January) I'll rent it and see how it is. Has anyone seen it? Is it any good?